I had this blog post planned. A couple of Arcade items, an item from Acid Lily, some Collabor88 – a well rounded event post. I’d shot it over a couple of days, dorking around with lighting, realizing after ten shots I was on medium resolution (this explained a lot).
Then my real life phone rang. The cellphone in my pocket rang – and I looked at it with dread. No one calls you with good news at 7am. No one. It was Cajsa and I knew why she was calling.
You probably know it too, our friend Giulia, SL’s Squinternet Larnia had died. Cajsa was calling me to let me know, so that I didn’t read it on the internet that a friend had died.
I have run the gauntlet today, emotionally. I think I might be empty. Then I think how much more so is Cajsa, and Hart Larsson, and Monica Outlander who were even closer to her longer than I? It tumbled me back today, to when Cajsa was sick, of the many conversations Squinternet and I had about Cajsa.
Squint loved to read our blog. This from her own lips, that “Cajsa wrote some of the most beautiful words I ever read” and “I love when you write about your AV and make her life something real that we think she’s our friend” – it’s probably the nicest thing anyone ever said about me and this blog. We’d talk online while Cajsa was in the hospital, on the days when I had to tell Squint that I didn’t know if Cajsa were going to live.
It could have been Cajsa I was writing about, being gone. We were at that place at a time so close in my memory, I’m getting teary thinking about it. Squinternet always wanted to know everything. Who had I talked to? Where was she? What did she say?
That all changed when Cajsa recovered, and Squint’s remission ended.
I didn’t change my post for today, at least not the pictures, because Squinternet liked the way I blogged. She liked me enough to talk about dying with me, and to share her hopes and fears. She liked me enough to trust me with who she was in real life.
So for Squint, I’ll put on my black on another post. Because she told me, that she told them they could go to hell when they said she was going to die. She had decided to live. She wanted to go about the business of living and being normal as long as she could – and she did.
Now, the rest of us must do so as well.
Goodbye Giulia. You were one tough lady.
Emphasis on lady.
Gidge Is Wearing:
Shirt: :::Sn@tch Butch Tank Top (Babyblue/Sheer-S):::
Panties: Le Poppycock *Undies* Cloud nine – ACID LILY EVENT
Lashes: Amacci – Eyelash Tattoo 4
Amacci – Eyelash Tattoo 6
Beauty Mark: [PXL] Beauty Mark POS8 Dark DX
Headphones:*katat0nik* (teal/red/yellow) Cupcake Headphones
Hair: /Wasabi Pills/ Melissa Mesh Hair – Rye THE ARCADE
Shoes: Lassitude & Ennui Opium mules – blue – (for Slink feet)
Feet: Slink Mesh Feet (Av Enhance) Medium S
Hands: Slink Mesh Hands (av) Casual S Left
Slink Mesh Hands (av) Elegant S Right
Eye Control: [gi inc] Auto Focus 2.1
Shape: Gidge ~Savoir Faire Shapes~smaller boobs for mesh
Skin: [PXL] KATE Vintage “Paris” makeup
Eyes: classic – coral reef (m) bright
Chaise: Trompe Loeil
Bookshelf: Ria Bazar
Record Player: Floorplan THE ARCADE
Lamp: TROMPE LOEIL – The Arcade
Record Shelf: Floorplan
Standing Pose: Pretense
Nail Color: A:S:S