A friend of mine had a crisis in confidence this weekend. It surprised me because she is one of the most amazing people in the world. She’s the woman who can “bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you’re a man” of old songs that celebrate female power and confidence. Yet, careless words negated all her accomplishments, her skills, her successes, her loving friends and filled her with a feeling of inadequacy. How is it that someone so good could ever feel insecure?
But insecurity strikes us all. Myself, whenever someone writes a criticism of “bloggers” without naming names, I am certain that it is about me. Boring, just like everyone else, dull, they are all words I have internalized. I know very well that I am not nearly so imaginative and creative as some of the SL photographers that inspire me. I envy their abilities and most of all their creativity.
In my real life, I have always been insecure about my training skills, obsessively reading through workshop evaluations and lingering over the criticisms while barely noticing the praise. I can remember nearly every critique but have no idea what my overall evaluations averaged. I don’t know why we are so very hard on ourselves and so certain that half the world and their brothers agree with our harshest judgments, but I think it’s fairly common for us to be so effective at tearing down our own confidence that a tiny push from someone else can be devastating.
What’s the answer? I don’t know. Perhaps our insecurities are good for us, helping us to do better, to try harder to strive more. None of us want to be those delusional contestants on American Idol that need to be dragged kicking and screaming from the audition while all of America laughs at their hallucinatory confidence that THEY * ARE * THE * NEXT * AMERICAN * IDOL. I would keep all my insecurities and fears to avoid that fate.
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